Divorce: On the outside looking in

As young ladies, we all dream about that day we will say "I do". We know what we want our hair to look like, our shoes, and most of all the dress. It will be a magical day for sure and it's going to last forever. When we finally meet "Mr. Right" we spend all this time molding him to what we want him to be. Finally getting him perfected and introducing him to the parents, we will get married. We'll spend a year, maybe two, as newlyweds before we have children. We would like a boy and a girl, but it doesn't matter as long as they are healthy. He will have a good paying career so we can buy our dream home...and the dream goes on and on. And then it happens. You start arguing over bills, his time with his buddies, the children are driving you nuts, family time is cut in half because of his job and things go a'tumbling.

The dream we had seems so far away now as our marriage has been spiraling downward faster and faster. The problems were there in the beginning but were ignored to keep the public confused as we smiled away the issues. Then the topic of divorce comes up and we're confused. Now we are calling all of our spouse's close friends to see what it is that we could do to fix this. I myself am not going through this, but a friend of the family is. We will call her Michelle, and him Jack. Early on he knew she had a spending habit, he knew she was obnoxious. The strain came when she started getting upset at his job taking all his time keeping her at home alone with the boys. Then the bank account funds began to dwindle as she shopped till she dropped to compensate for the time she had less with him. They both ignored all the warning signs.  And Michelle simply refuses to take any sort of blame for the result. I have only been married for a short time, but even I know that selfishness will get you no where when your plan is to go forever. Its important to think about the reasons you got married in the first place when things go wrong. So now, not only is Jack contemplating divorce, Michelle is afraid he is in another relationship. The two very young sons they have together will have to live with the fact that Daddy is going to move to another house. Michelle will have to get a job and pay her own bills.

There are ten values that I think are important to having a successful marriage:

• Love and Respect-Love one another hard and treat each other with the dignity that they deserve.
• Trust and Honesty-Always trust one another and be honest to your partner. Once those boundaries are crossed, its really hard to go back.
• Communicate-Communication is a very essential part of a marriage. If you don't put it out there how you feel, then you will feel easily unappreciated when someone does something you don't feel is right.
• Share-Share and share alike. It's that simple. A marriage is a bond and whats yours becomes theirs and vice versa.
• Humor-Don't be afraid to laugh at each other. Laughter is always the best medicine.
• Friendship-Never stop being each other's best friend. Once you do that the other values become obsolete.
• Family-Your family is more important than anything else. Never put your friends, or material items in front of them.
• Last but definitely not least, Future-Think and talk about your future together often. Talk about grandkids, retirement, travelling and etc. If you build it, it will come.

Although I have only been married a short time, I already apply these values to my marriage. So far so good. My parents have been married for over 30 years and I respect them for it. I know that times were hard and they went through a bunch. But that's what you sign up for when you say "I do". For better or for worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health. However, if your marriage is way beyond repair, perhaps going to marriage counseling can mend some issues before you go your separate ways. On the outside looking in on Michelle and Jacks marriage, I say that they need to apply these values. take some time and think about what really is important to them.